


"I'm not doing that again."

by AuthorinExile



Series: Fictober 2020 [8]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alistair Has Regrets, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Find the Warden Quest, Gen, King Alistair (Dragon Age), Minor Leliana/Warden (Dragon Age), Minor Zevran Arainai/Warden, Past Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Reconciliation, Strained Friendships, Strained Relationships, Tabris just disappeared y'all, That's gotta hurt her friends right, Warden Tabris (Dragon Age), Worry, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:21:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorinExile/pseuds/AuthorinExile
Summary: Warden Tabris disappeared years ago. No one knows where she went--not even her friends, who would've followed her anywhere and who knew her best. Not even her family.So when Leliana sees a chance to use the Inquisition's resources to track down her friend, to finally get answers, she jumps for it.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Tabris (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age), Leliana & Morrigan (Dragon Age), Leliana & Warden (Dragon Age), Morrigan & Warden (Dragon Age)
Series: Fictober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2147928
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10
Collections: nice fics





	"I'm not doing that again."

**Author's Note:**

> I have lots of emotions about these characters and the fact that the Warden apparently just...dipped.

Leliana does not really expect a reply to the letter she sends. 

After all, Tabris had fully disappeared years ago. She had covered her trail expertly, exactly the way Leliana had taught her. The job had been so thorough that Zevran and Leliana both were forced to throw up their hands and shake their heads and try their best not to be hurt that she didn’t even tell them. She didn’t even mention it in her letters or keep in contact. She just vanished.

It did hurt, despite their efforts. Their only consolation was that if she had died, one or the other of them would have found her without a doubt.

So to finally rediscover her whereabouts through the Inquisition feels like a mixed blessing.

_ She’s alive _ , is her first reaction, which is silly because surely Leliana would’ve known if Tabris had died. The relief still overwhelms her completely.

_ That little bitch _ , is her second reaction because she  _ left _ . Tabris left all of them behind without a backward glance, and it hurt her so badly. It hurt her and Zevran and Morrigan and, though she knows they haven’t been in contact for almost a decade, it hurt Alistair too. Tabris’ disappearance chewed the king up in a way that the Blight and the throne and the constant itch of the Taint had never quite managed. He had worried so much all this time, and he felt such guilt for so long over how he had left things between them. He blamed himself.

That last part isn’t even conjecture. The last time Leliana had been in Denerim, she had stopped for a visit, and after one too many goblets of wine, Alistair had shakily asked, “Did I do this? Would she still be around if I hadn’t--if I had just… Leliana, did I push her away?”

And Leliana had said, “Probably,” before she could stop herself.

Alistair never made a mention of her answer, but she felt enough guilt for it that he didn’t really need to.

Relief and anger and hurt war in her for days until Leliana finally delivers the news and Inquisitor Lavellan instructs her to contact Tabris.

Then it all solidifies into motivation. She has a lot to say to Tabris, and very little of it feels right for a single letter.

In the end, Leliana has her people deliver two envelopes. One is full of information--people, places, contacts, updates on the Inquisition, and any other tidbits Leliana thinks might be useful--that she sends under the guise of ensuring Tabris doesn’t send back things they already know or have difficulty figuring out what the Inquisition faces. The other is personal in nature and very short.

The second is the hardest to write, she discovers.

“Come back,” Leliana does not write. “Please come back. We all miss you so much. Zevran still fights the urge to get your reaction to his jokes, and Morrigan still has her golden mirror, and Sten is Arishok now but he sent a letter asking about you, and I want to braid your hair just once more, and Alistair still loves you, after all this time, he still loves you so much.”

Leliana does not write or say any of that.

Instead, her letter says

_ T. _

_ I am glad to hear from you. It is a relief. I believe we have much to discuss, but now is not the time for it. I hope you maintain contact with the Inquisition while you can. Skyhold is open to you, should you need us. _

_ L. _

And then, because she just can not help herself, she adds

_ P.S. There is a Qunari here. He has heard about you. Can you guess who from? _

Leliana hopes with all of her heart, but she does not really expect a letter in response.

Tabris also sends two envelopes.

One is her official report. She can not help them, but she promises that she will immediately send any information she finds. It is a short letter, but as with everything else she does, Tabris is deeply and painfully genuine.

The second is longer and just as painful.

_ L. _

_ It is good to read your words. You and our mutual friends have been on my mind often lately. I was sorry to hear of Divine Justinia’s passing. That must have been difficult. You have my deepest sympathies. I shall stay in contact until I am fully unable, I assure you. I’m not doing  _ that _ again, I promise. I hear your Inquisition is doing well, despite the odd company you keep. If you would, send my regards to M and Z. Make sure to tell M that Da’Fen misses her. I’m sure she’ll be appreciative. Your Inquisitor is an elf, I hear. Darling, do you have a type? If she really does ride a giant deer like all the rumors say, tell her I want one. I am sorry about Haven and the Temple. It is not the same, but Skyhold is by all accounts lovely. I hope to see it one day. _

_ T. _

_ P.S. A Qunari? Does he like cookies, or should I ply his affections with some other sweet? _

Leliana cries.

She doesn’t mean to. It just sort of overwhelms her and washes all the other emotions away.

Leliana cries because one letter from Tabris is all it takes to bring so many memories rushing back. 

She cries because Tabris’ handwriting has not changed at all, and Leliana remembers with startling clarity the many notes and memos Tabris had dutifully recorded in her journal. Does she still keep a journal? Leliana cries because Tabris promises not to disappear again and because she wants to visit and because she  _ misses _ Leliana and Morrigan and Zevran and Wynne--oh Maker, does she even know about Wynne? Leliana cries because Tabris slipped back into teasing her so easily that she can still remember the first time it happened like it was yesterday--”Have I ever told you that I really like the way you wear your hair?”--when Tabris did not even know she was being flirted with.

Leliana does not stop crying when she notices the  _ A _ in Tabris’ letter, right beside all the other initials, as he has always been, scratched out but not well enough to be unrecognizable. She looks closer to the other places Tabris had scratched out and thinks she might see, “Does A ever” and “Is A” and “I mi” but she can’t be sure.

When she regains composure, Leliana writes more letters. Not to Tabris, who has surely moved on from her former position by now, but to their friends. She writes to Zevran first, telling him that she’s finally found their Warden and that Tabris misses them and that if they are very lucky, she might even visit Skyhold. She writes to Sten--to Arishok--before she’s even considering the implications or how she’ll get it delivered. After a moment’s hesitation, she writes to Alistair as well.

She delivers the news to Morrigan in person.

Morrigan does not gasp or sigh or weep in relief. She has never been so dramatic. 

Morrigan simply closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and fixes Leliana with that powerful gaze she’s so good with.

“Thank you for telling me,” she says, and Leliana does not mention the emotion in her voice.

Time passes. Letters continue to be exchanged, and though they are few and far between, they are  _ there _ , and it warms Leliana’s heart. 

She is still upset that Tabris left the way she did, with no letters or apologies or backup except her dog. She is still desperately worried about Tabris and her apparent mission, which Leliana thinks may not end as well as she hopes. She still has a swelling turmoil of negative emotions churning in her gut.

But her friend is alive and healthy and determined.

For now, it is enough.


End file.
